In fact, I'm sure that every woman who laughed at the idea has her own list of "husbandly duties" and wouldn't think twice of adding to it. No matter what age they live in, women will always have certain obligations if they have been called to the vocation of marriage. Some obligations will be embraced while others will be considered necessary but unpleasant. This attitude towards these "duties" is certainly affected by the culture, as witnessed from the magazine page all the way through today's Hollywood messages.
Cleaning bathrooms is probably at the top of the "necessary but unpleasant" list, should a woman be asked to make such an inventory. Sadly, however, what may very well compete for one of the top spots of this imaginary "necessary-but-unpleasant" list of wifely duties happens to be sexual relations with her husband.
I will admit right here and now that I'm not big on statistics. It seems that just about anyone can find at least one study done by some particular group or another that will support an argument being put forth. So, I am positive there are studies that will show that many women have stopped having sexual relations with their husband after 15 years of marriage while others will say some enjoy an active sex life well into their 50th year of marriage.
But let's face it, many of us know of someone - and that someone might be you -- for whom marital sex has become a "chore" or is no longer part of the marriage. Or, it may occur once a month or every other month. I know many such women, all with varying reasons, for whom sex is non-existent or barely existent within their marriage.
But is this good for the woman? The marriage? What does this say to the husband? The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:. Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.
In regards to the sexual nature of the married man and woman there is a bond that forms, and continues to develop, that will be unlike any other bond that this same man and woman would be able to form with any other person. To deny the development of this bond is to deny a unique communion of these two people who will otherwise never be able to know such a bond on earth.
In other words, the physical intimacy of their union is such that nothing else will ever be like it or will ever produce the same results - whether this means children or an intimacy experienced that is holy and from God. JPII taught very clearly on the "gift of self" and when a woman understands that gift of self has many dimensions, she will also see that one of those dimensions is the physical way in which she can give herself to her husband.
A husband, then, also has obligations as the "receiver" of this gift. Jewish law teaches that a man who pleases his wife is doing a mitzvah - a good deed. This teaching is many thousands of years old and clearly based upon the understanding that God created the martial union for the pleasure of both husband and wife but also in the ways in which it elevates them as pro-creators with God.
The rules and regulations of sexual intimacy between a Jewish husband and wife are many and are meant for their mutual benefit. Of those laws there are specific ones in regards to what is not acceptable. This includes exploitation, rape, incest, coercion, or subjugation of another person. Sex within a marriage is considered sacred. Jewish teaching says that it is a sin not to enjoy sexual intimacy within marriage. If we can collectively agree that the need to practice self-control is a given part of man's nature - and we are specifically speaking about "man," then wives should feel an obligation to at least consider ways in which their denial of sex puts undue strain upon the expectation of a husband's fidelity.
While this does not give a man freedom to place blame on a woman for his infidelity, it does make it necessary for a woman to take responsibility for her decisions regarding withholding sex in a marriage. The sexual revolution screamed for women to take control of their bodies, to no longer be tied to one man, to have control over their sexual reproduction. When a woman responded to the sexual revolution with an attitude that her body was specifically hers to give or keep, all else became secondary.
Most specifically, this attitude ended up in the marriage bed where a woman was now "expected" to withhold herself even if it was just to make a statement. It was all about "her" and not about "them. Emasculation began in full. Let's say this same woman, who no longer gave freely of herself in bed, was married to a man who woke up one Saturday and said, "Honey, I need a break today.
Is it okay with you if I don't cut the lawn? All other things being equal - meaning we assume this husband is responsible and a good husband and father - this wife's response will be something like this, "Sure! There won't be any problem if it waits till next week. The week then passes and Saturday morning the wife fully expects that the lawn will be cut because now it is getting a bit long and the neighbors are eyeing it.
The husband wakes up and stretches his arms out and says a bit sheepishly, "Gee, it was good to take a break from cutting the lawn last week. What could another week hurt? By the third week the husband no longer cares about the lawn. The wife could hire someone to cut it but the husband would be furious and she is left seeing her husband in a less than stellar light. This continues and then begins to affect additional aspects of how each views the other. This was a conscious choice of the husband's, not to cut the lawn.
It wasn't something that was out of his control. This isn't to say that he was always in the mood to cut the lawn but that, regardless of the mood, it was something that he should be doing.
Is it unreasonable for a wife to give herself to her husband even is she is not "in the mood? But this brings us back to the point where there has to be a common understanding that the union of a husband and a wife is a gift from God. Both ought to come to a place in their marriage where they see this union as a way for them to grow and develop together.
Then the abuse began
Whether they are in the middle of child-bearing years or at a time when the union itself offers an intimacy that can only be had within that union, a married couple should see their sexual relationship as holy and sacred. A husband should learn ways in which he can romance his wife and put her in the mood while a wife should learn ways in which she can still give of herself when the mood doesn't manifest.
I highly recommend you read that whole chapter. Spot on Pamela and I would add 1 Cor. Church means community, to have community with other Christians, it has nothing to do with the bond between you and God. You can have church in many places. You simply answer: my darling husband, the Lord puts love in my heart and in doing so, also peace.
And if it pleases you to stay at home with you, I will do no such thing as to disturb the peace within our marriage. And like Pamela says, it does not keep you away from the Bible. Hi Pamela! Thank you for putting your articles on here. My husband and I have been married two years and I just long to be able to be the home maker, give my husband a kiss before he goes to work and hand him his packed lunch — welcome him home at the end of the day with a hot meal and a clean house.
However, he is not a believer. Anyway, he has become paralyzed by fear of failure, fear of being hurt..
Surviving a Marriage When Your Spouse Makes No Effort
I want him to go provide! Go get a job! Then I would gladly respect him and make our home beautiful.. I get bitter about providing AND doing all the things around the house so he can just sit and play online games. I hate online games.
It is just hard for me during this time of waiting. He is such a great man, he is just getting lost in his depression? Do you have any advice for me?
Hello Newly Wed Girl — I am encouraged that you want to do the right thing. You ask for advice but first, I see that you said you believe God has this under control. Do you really? God is so much bigger than the gaming world that has engulfed your husband. I will offer the same advice that I have offered others with similar situations. Follow what the Bible says to do because through it your husband may become a believer and be sanctified by your actions. Paul wrote about this and I encourage you to read 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and meditate upon it.
Do as the Bible says you should do and God will bless you and your marriage. Do it regardless of what you husband does or does not do. What if he has hurt so much as a women telling her she has nothing he wants to look at? What can she do besides praying for him and letting him know he is not honoring her as his wife?
The priority of wifely submission vs mutual submission
His actions is a contradiction. My beloved sister, i felt your emotions but you have to continue to submit to your husband just obey the Lord you have to use your own good deed to overcome his evil deed. Respect as an Attitude There are times when the husband is not respectful to the wife. This does not give you license to be disrespectful.
- The Divorce of Henry VIII: The Untold Story?
- Words Of Love “A Lady“Loves To Hear”.
- The Best Thing about You Is You!.
- Wifely Control & One-Way-Marriage - Two Complete Stories in One Volume;
- How to Be a Submissive Wife | PairedLife.
- Most Influential Marriages: Beyonce, Jay-Z, Bill and Hillary Clinton | Time;